Genuine

Went to Walgreens tonight, which was weird on Christmas eve, but I wanted to get some pictures for Josh. As I was driving, I felt like I was in such a hurry to get back. It made me wonder what it would feel liketo not have family, and to not be in a hurry.  What if I didn't have anyone to come home to. I tried to picture what I would want to do. I immediately knew that I would want to be with someone, but would not want toimpose on anyone.  I think I would actually prefer to spend Christmas alone, rather than impose on someone. I realized I would only want to spend time with someone or a family that genuinely wanted to spend time with me. If There was even a hint of obligation or sorry feelings for me, then it wouldn't be worth it.  It made me analyze my feelings for people that I befriend or try to do service for.  Sometimes it is out of obligation. Sometimes I'm doing it because I feel like it's the right thing to do, or I just want them to feel happy and included, not because I genuinely want their company. I am so Ashamed and embarrassed to say this, but I assume this is the case for most people at least some of the time.  

Then I realized that most people I genuinely do want to get to know better and learn more about them. It's just a matter of thinking of it that way. Thinking of it in terms of them helping me out, rather than the other way around.  It made me realize that friendship has to go both ways. I need to let these people serve me and genuinely help me out when I need it, that's what real friendships are. They are not a service project.

Next month I want to have someone over for dinner that I genuinely want to learn from, and now that I think of it that way, there are endless possibilities of people I'd love to have over!